Style Tips For Men and Women

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“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have”

“Leaving a little to the imagination is sexy”

These are just a few of the pieces of advice handed down from first-time life coaches and stale fortune cookies. These words of wisdom continue to be handed out like prostitution leaflets on a Vegas street because they are tried and true, for the ages, informative instructions that continue to inspire and reward.

As someone who has been certified in EUTS (Everything Under The Sun) from the Professional Institute of Placeimadeup, I feel compelled to bestow some of my (not yet) patented words of higher knowledge to my readers, especially the intellectually inferior among you (no Le Names, but you know who you are.)

Knowing how to carry oneself is important because it can mean the difference between getting the job or getting a friendly email that says ‘You were one of the worst applicants we’ve ever had. Ever’ but disguised in a thinly veiled ‘Did not meet the requirements’. I know what you meant, Janice Beekman of Mansonite Bros. Corp. LLC.

“…not qualified for the job, hmm? What do they mean by that ‘not qualified’? I bet they hated that I wore mens briefs as pants. That’s what it means, doesn’t it? What was I thinking?”

Dressing appropriately and stylishly can also mean the difference between a flirtatious look of interest from that attractive person across the room and that attractive group pointing at you and laughing from across the room.

To alleviate any gender confusion, I have separated the tips into two categories: Men and Women. For those of you who fit into neither or both categories, take away whatever resonates with you. Also, which bathroom do you use? I mean, like, in public. Whoa, whoa, I’m not judging! I’m just curious.

Actually, it’s both…my shoe size and my IQ

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Generally, maturation is defined by a person’s reaching a physical and emotional “growing up”–the result of experiencing and benefitting from life’s innumerable lessons and, ultimately leading to each of us becoming the best us we can be.

As kids, we sponge-up as much information about life as we can because it is, from a basic primal instinct, required for all of us to survive. Such things as language, memory, why that thing is okay to touch, why that thing hurts, what that other thing even is exactly and why does eating it cause dizziness and an ability to hear colors. Without this necessary evolution of our individual selves, humans as a species would have long ago gone the way of the DoDo (not the bird, but the 1931 off-Broadway show about talking hair do’s that subsequently closed after only two weeks due to the smash success of the neighboring, less insistent musical, TryTry).

Doris Jenkins in her final performance as DoDo’s Hattie the Hairpin, one day before her suicide