Shameless Plug

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Put away your black armbands, everyone. I am not dead. In fact, I have been relatively alive this entire time… just not online. As it turns out, real life has been/is far more interesting and fun than its virtual counterpart. That’s not to say that I have forsaken my online life, just that I have been busy with other things. It’s not personal, internet.*

That said, I fully intend to post with more regularity than Haley’s Comet sightings by a Yeti. That’s a promise!

See you soon.

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Her life devoid of any joy or human interaction, Helen settles in with a cup of coffee to wait until Mike’s next blog post. That extra flavor in her coffee, you ask? Oh, those are tears.

*For a few of you, it’s actually incredibly personal.

Categories: Shameless Plug | 18 Comments

New Post at Tipsy Lit

Ericka and the rest of the staff over at Tipsy Lit were kind enough to publish another piece of mine.

The great thing about posting on someone else’s blog is that the lawsuits regarding plagiarism (and, oh, there will be many) inevitably are brought against them. So, again, a BIG thanks to Tipsy Lit for that one.

 

CLICK HERE

 

Yet another Tipsy Lit author tricked into bathing with the help of booze.

Yet another Tipsy Lit author tricked into bathing with the help of booze.

Categories: Shameless Plug

Thoroughly Modern Messiah

Originally posted on Long Awkward Pause:

Step aside first century. The New Testament may soon be referred to as The Old New Testament. That’s because one the most widely distributed books in the world is finally getting a makeover.

For decades, religious leaders have watched the steady decline in church attendance, as well as fewer ticket sales to such fun stand-by’s as church bazaars, church picnics, and Tuesday night bingo. The church knows that in order to remain relevant, they mustn’t wait for new converts, they must, instead, reach out to hipper demographics, particularly young urbanites.

“Today’s youths,” says Arnold Peltierre, a spokesman at Kolchek and Moore, a PR firm representing the Vatican’s American media presence, “are busier than any other generation. They’re on their iPad computers, their cellular data phones, they attend concerts, they’re seeing 3D movies, they are just go go go. The more our technology progresses, however, we lose sight of what’s important…

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Categories: Shameless Plug

My Nephew Presents…

A video!

For your viewing pleasure is a Christmas video by my nephew, Aidan. It celebrates our recent discovery of an amazing/ridiculous Christmas song from 1960 titled “Dominick the Donkey”

Show some love to both my nephew and the donkey, but, please, if you have any sort of criminal record, don’t come within 10 feet of either of them.

 

Categories: Shameless Plug | Tags: , , , | 65 Comments

Chowderhead Interviews Lil’ Ol’ Me

Adam over at Chowderhead, in what can only be seen as an attempt to lose readers, has interviewed me for his blog. If you get a moment, head on over and give it a read.

WARNING: The interview does contain pictures of my face (in my opinion, my very un-photogenic face), so be aware that you may find yourself immediately vowing celibacy.

CLICK HERE TO READ MORE

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Categories: Shameless Plug, Uncategorized | Tags: , , ,

Because I Haven’t Got the Legs for Dancing

calahan:

My piece for Tipsy Lit and Ericka Clay. Enjoy and chew slowly.

Originally posted on TIPSY LIT:

Why do I write?

I’ve been asked to explain this on more than one occasion, often in a Yuletide forum by relatives who want only what’s best for me. These questions are presented with an unassuming, furrowed brow and often contain the words ‘what’, ‘in’, ‘the’ and ‘hell’. Each time the question is posed, the more difficult I find it to answer. As time passes, the reasoning that once seemed so black and white, morphs more and more into a menagerie of Freudian color and malformations, looking less like the once straight forward presentation and more like the aftermath of a drunken war of paintbrushes between Pollock and Neiman.

As a child, the stories were necessary as an escape to the anything-but-civil war taking place in my house. But now, as an adult, that excuse, much like the ones used to justify biting my sister, no longer exists. So, why…

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Categories: Shameless Plug, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , | 4 Comments

Twinkie, Twinkie, Little Star

calahan:

I was asked to contribute to a new site. I said yes only because I thought there would be prizes and snacks.

Originally posted on Long Awkward Pause:

That’s right, America. The Twinkie is back! (for some reason)

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Assumed by many to be the unholy result of a secret Nazi project codenamed either Twinkilnauss or Angelfoodensch, the Twinkie has been a staple of American households for decades.

Created in 1930, Twinkies were a way to utilize the angel food baking machines made seasonally dormant when strawberries weren’t in season. Instead of filling them with fruit, the cakes were filled with banana-flavored cream, put onto shelves and became an instant success. Due to the WWII rationing of bananas  (which, apparently, was a thing), the cream filling inside Twinkies was given the vanilla-flavor that we know today.

So, there you go, a brief history of Twinkies. But nowhere in that Cliff Notes version do we get an answer to the question: Why are Twinkies so popular?

Yes, it is safe to assume that this Twinkie incarnation didn't sell well in the segregated South. Yes, it is safe to assume that this Twinkie incarnation didn’t sell well in the…

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Categories: Shameless Plug, Smartass | 11 Comments

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