Author Archives: calahan

About calahan

A writer who is living the dream. It's unclear whose dream it is, though. Stay tuned.

Halloween Costumes Of Old – When Less Was More… More or Less

“Trick or treat!”

“Boo!”

“That’s scary!”

“I got a rock.”

Such phrases have become synonymous with Halloween. Halloween itself has become a billion dollar industry with super stores popping up in recently abandoned retail locations. From scary masks and fake blood to unlicensed likenesses of trending pop culture characters, you can get just about anything in these stores. Almost. Due to licensing reasons, you can’t get a Captain Jack Sparrow costume, but they will have Captain Dreadlock Pirate Guy. Does your child want to become Groot, the lovable giant from Guardians of the Galaxy? How about, instead, your child goes about the neighborhood as Rooty-G, the talking stickman? $35 well spent, I say!

“No, I’m not Baggy the Bag Monster. I’m Rooty-G!”

Maybe we, as a culture, have become spoiled with so many creative options so readily available. Whether we’re going downtown for an all-night party or just staying home and having drinks with a few friends, elaborate costumes are easy to come by and, frankly, somewhat expected.

There was a time, though, when people had to rely more on their own creativity and resourcefulness. Below are old-time costumes that were quaint in their simplicity.

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Categories: Fiction Fiasco | Tags: , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Summertime Captions For Awful People

Today is the first day of Autumn.

This means it is time to say goodbye to Summer. It is time to realize that we can do better than Summer. For some of us, perhaps it’s time to pretend we never even met Summer. That’s right, Summer. We’ve moved on.

Need more proof, Summer? Look at my new relationship status on Facebook:

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Now, some folks (mostly friends and co-workers of Summer’s) might say that I Continue reading

Categories: Smartass | Tags: , , , , | 50 Comments

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Put away your black armbands, everyone. I am not dead. In fact, I have been relatively alive this entire time… just not online. As it turns out, real life has been/is far more interesting and fun than its virtual counterpart. That’s not to say that I have forsaken my online life, just that I have been busy with other things. It’s not personal, internet.*

That said, I fully intend to post with more regularity than Haley’s Comet sightings by a Yeti. That’s a promise!

See you soon.

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Her life devoid of any joy or human interaction, Helen settles in with a cup of coffee to wait until Mike’s next blog post. That extra flavor in her coffee, you ask? Oh, those are tears.

*For a few of you, it’s actually incredibly personal.

Categories: Shameless Plug | 18 Comments

Hip To Be … –.- ..- .- .-. .

Originally posted on Long Awkward Pause:

Sometimes ironic, sometimes retro-chic, hipsters are the compass that points our culture toward cool.

The horn rimmed glasses and skinny jeans have almost become the uniform of the mainstream, wanna-be hipster. Anyone wearing these is usually a poseur to the Nth degree or a model in a J. Crew ad. To keep themselves one step ahead of what society holds in high regard, hipsters often look towards the past to determine what is ironically fashionable.

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This is how a hipster hitches a ride to Boston.

Today’s hipsters have traded in their iPods for old school cassette players. 52″ flat screen televisions are disdained in exchange for a 1972 Zenith Chromacolor. The Blu-Ray movies so sought after by others take a backseat to a thrift store-rescued VCR. The Wii? That’s been tossed aside for an Atari 2600. At a certain point, though, even these items become cool again to the mainstream. As a result, hipsters must find something else…

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Categories: Uncategorized

New Post at Tipsy Lit

Ericka and the rest of the staff over at Tipsy Lit were kind enough to publish another piece of mine.

The great thing about posting on someone else’s blog is that the lawsuits regarding plagiarism (and, oh, there will be many) inevitably are brought against them. So, again, a BIG thanks to Tipsy Lit for that one.

 

CLICK HERE

 

Yet another Tipsy Lit author tricked into bathing with the help of booze.

Yet another Tipsy Lit author tricked into bathing with the help of booze.

Categories: Shameless Plug

Room For Four More

It was my parents’ 17th anniversary, a night for outward ‘I-love-you’s and inward ‘what-was-I-thinking’s. These anniversary dinners out as a family were standard: eat something expensive, maybe have dessert, then my parents might dance to prerecorded entertainment or a sullen piano player.

Little could any of us have known that, that night we would all be dancing…

Dancing, that is, with a partner named Death!

Mmwwahahaha!!!

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When he’s not terrorizing my family, Death enjoys choreographing routines for the local cheerleading squad. This might be the year they go to the tri-state finals!

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Categories: Childhood = 100 Years Ago | Tags: , , , , | 52 Comments

Happy 100

Without my grandmother, I never would have learned common Italian phrases such as:

I love you, Grandma!!! *

 * exclamation marks inserted for both excitement and so that she can hear it.

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Here she is mocking the youth of Mickey Mouse.

Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , | 57 Comments

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