Step aside first century. The New Testament may soon be referred to as The Old New Testament. That’s because one the most widely distributed books in the world is finally getting a makeover.
For decades, religious leaders have watched the steady decline in church attendance, as well as fewer ticket sales to such fun stand-by’s as church bazaars, church picnics, and Tuesday night bingo. The church knows that in order to remain relevant, they mustn’t wait for new converts, they must, instead, reach out to hipper demographics, particularly young urbanites.
“Today’s youths,” says Arnold Peltierre, a spokesman at Kolchek and Moore, a PR firm representing the Vatican’s American media presence, “are busier than any other generation. They’re on their iPad computers, their cellular data phones, they attend concerts, they’re seeing 3D movies, they are just go go go. The more our technology progresses, however, we lose sight of what’s important. And, well, the Bible simply is no longer the centerpiece of cool that it once was. So, how do you survive in today’s market? Simple. You adapt your product.”