If Oregon code 131.125 is taken into account, the statute of limitations on this particular crime has long since passed. This allows me to speak openly and in detail–without concern of incriminating myself or my accomplice–in a way that would stir up the Oregon DA to open its drawer of unsolved crimes, give the media reason to drag my name through the ringer and cause shame-by-association to my wife or friends.
My Future Friends. From L to R: Zip Gun Joe, Me, Coked Up Gabe and Racist Alan
The truth is that, at one point, I was a burglar. Not the cool, acceptable kind of burglar with a black hat, black mask and striped prison garb whose only joy stems from stealing Quarter Pounders, Big Macs and other food stamp-priced burgers devoid of nutrients. No, I was just a no-good, soulless, morally bankrupt house burglar whose life had been on its way to one of ruin and prison brawls—the kind of fate that would be a lot to handle for anyone.
But, it was even harder for me. I was only 4!
Adam over at Chowderhead, in what can only be seen as an attempt to lose readers, has interviewed me for his blog. If you get a moment, head on over and give it a read.
WARNING: The interview does contain pictures of my face (in my opinion, my very un-photogenic face), so be aware that you may find yourself immediately vowing celibacy.
Blackey the Cat learns that he is being “rebooted” as Whitey the Cat in order to reach a broader demographic.
The world continues to spin, the sun continues to set and Hollywood will continue to forever be lazy, unoriginal and enormously wealthy.
My new piece for the site Long Awkward Pause is about Hollywood’s seemingly endless stream of remakes.
NOTE - While I am offline writing fiction and ignoring my blog, I’ve decided to post a few pieces that 99% of you have never read.
Originally published by Forces Of Geek
Perhaps I’d been serenaded “The Ballad of Davy Crockett” once too often while still in the womb or maybe it was the steady diet of Donald Duck brand orange juice made with fruit concentrate that did it to me. Whatever the root cause, I was raised with an inherent love of all things Disney. To my sister and me, Disney cartoons and films were seen as the embodiment of all things good, they conveyed a world where things were safe, where good things happened to good people and where solutions to most of our problems were just a Sherman brothers song away. I believed that the Disney magic was real. Real, that is, until… that one day.
What happened that day, you ask?
A sobering reality that haunts me to this day–that’s what happened.
Let us journey, boys and girls, back to a not-so-magical land called… Anaheim.
“Oh look. Anaheim has people dress up as foliage. How quaint!”
That particular morning, my adorable self had woken up with an enthusiasm unmatched since Read more